I lost my blog but found my way!

Well, I am sure it is somewhere, but I don't know where. I started one with a greeting post, then forgot where I put it. This one has my name on it, so I had BETTER NOT lose it! Anyway, I am going to use this to discuss some things as I go through them, to work through them, and to figure out if there is a way that I can learn something from all of this. My New Years Resolution this year has been to actually have one. I have resisted for 42 years having one, and now I do. It is to take everything that I have learned and check to see if it is valid so that I can discover my purpose in life. I know there is a book about that. As a matter of fact, some have said that I should not read it. However, I am going to, because part of this journey is to find out if what I have been taught is so. I guess this is a tame version of a mid-life crisis. I love my wife, enjoy my job, and value my family, so I cannot have an average mid-life crisis. I have to have one that is different from the kind others have, as the ordinary type just would not appeal to me.

Another part of this journey has been to visit other churches to see how they do church. It has been an interesting thing to get my family to go along with. They are resisting, as we have been at the same church most of their life. A couple of years ago, we sojurned at another church of the same "non-denomination" for about 7 months, and I really liked it, but God sent me back to the church we came from to show me a few more things. I would type up a list of the things that I learned in this whole thing, but could not do so without typing things that are better left untyped for now. God knows, and He is my advocate, so I am moving forward, having forgiven and asked forgivness, and able to do so with a clean heart, which only God could bring about.

Today, I listened to day one of the Purpose Driven Life. I thought that I was not going to like it, because I tend to not like the "now" thing. However, the teaching at the church we visited this morning really spoke to my heart in a way that set me free to read this thing. The teaching was on John 1:6-9. One of the things that has been difficult for me over the last five years in general, and that last 21 months in particular, is that my identity changed. I used to be "Big Joe", at over 400 pounds. I lost 160 pounds, and stopped being "Big Joe". People treated me differently from how they did when I was that big. I then moved on to another career, quite by accident. In doing so, I left human services and found that I could serve in the business world as well. Then, my identity as Pastor Joe was taken from me, and this was done in a very unfair way. See, I believe that it is God Who ordains us. In that, I am still a pastor, and will be for life unless I do things that would lead to disqualification. I just don't have a place to exercise that gift. I was removed without cause. It was a very painful thing, because it was done by people who were as close to me as anyone other than my wife could be. The feeling of betrayal had caused quite a bit of pain. My family suffered. I actually was asking God why He let this happen to me, which is not something I usually asked. Close friends and family members have died over the last few years. Three ministries that I was blessed to serve in were taken away from me. God speaks to us in these times, though, through His word.
Psalm 27 says:
The Lord is my light and my salvation;
Whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life;
Of whom shall I be afraid?
2 When the wicked came against me
To eat up my flesh,
My enemies and foes,
They stumbled and fell.
3 Though an army may encamp against me,
My heart shall not fear;
Though war may rise against me,
In this I will be confident.
4 One thing I have desired of the Lord,
That will I seek:
That I may dwell in the house of the Lord
All the days of my life,
To behold the beauty of the Lord,
And to inquire in His temple.
5 For in the time of trouble
He shall hide me in His pavilion;
In the secret place of His tabernacle
He shall hide me;
He shall set me high upon a rock.
6 And now my head shall be lifted up above my enemies all around me;
Therefore I will offer sacrifices of joy in His tabernacle;
I will sing, yes, I will sing praises to the Lord.
7 Hear, O Lord, when I cry with my voice!
Have mercy also upon me, and answer me.
8 When You said, "Seek My face,"
My heart said to You, "Your face, Lord, I will seek."
9 Do not hide Your face from me;
Do not turn Your servant away in anger;
You have been my help;
Do not leave me nor forsake me,
O God of my salvation.
10 When my father and my mother forsake me,
Then the Lord will take care of me.
11 Teach me Your way, O Lord,
And lead me in a smooth path, because of my enemies.
12 Do not deliver me to the will of my adversaries;
For false witnesses have risen against me,
And such as breathe out violence.
13 I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the Lord
In the land of the living.
14 Wait on the Lord;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the Lord!

The Lord has taken care of me. Any words I have said in my own defense were turned against me, so I learned that either I can defend myself or I can let Him be my defense. His defense is better. People are going to think what they want to thing. At this point, I have learned to only care what He thinks. As the Westminster Catechism says, Man's chief end is to glorify God and enjoy Him forever.

So, I guess I am on the way to doing a 40 days of purpose thing. On day one, I loved what I read. "It's not about you". This reminded me of what Gale Erwin speaks of in the Servant Style, Jesus Style, and Father Style books. Why would we want to be like anybody other than God? We are so blessed when we are OTHERS centered. I have seen too much self-centered Christianity in my days, so I am all for this focus, and grateful for the refocus.

Colossians 1:16 For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. 17 And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. 18 And He is the head of the body, the church, who is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, that in all things He may have the preeminence.

He thought of us long before we thought of Him, and He created us with a purpose that goes way beyond us, our hopes, dreams, and wants.

When the pastor taught this morning about John the Baptist, he mentioned a few things that really stuck with me. John was most likely orphaned at a young age, did not have much, lived in the wilderness, had no education, yet, He had the call of God and His giftings to do and accomplish what He called him to do: Point people to Jesus. It was a great message.

I don't know if anybody is going to read this ever. If you do, pray for my kids. They are really struggling with the fact that we may decide after all of our "field trips" over the next several Sundays, that we do not belong at CCCC. They, and my wife and I, love the people there. It just does not seem that I will ever accomplish what God has called me for if I stay there. So, please pray for us.

One more thing. I use the word "I" a lot in this blogging thing, because it is sharing, at present, my point of view on things going on around me. Therefore, it is in and of itself a self centered, introspective thing. My purpose for doing it, though, is so that I will not have suffered these things in vain, so that some others who are going through the same things and the same questions may have comfort or may learn something as well without going through the pain. As with all trials that I have experienced, God uses them to teach me compassion for others. The last two years have been too big an experience to keep to myself.

God bless you,
Joe